Whenever anyone brings up playing musical instruments I always make a joke about having to quit piano lessons because I couldn’t stretch my fingers across an octave. It usually gets a laugh, and occasionally I get someone who ask me if I really did take piano lessons. Well the truth is I did take piano lessons when I was a kid. I am not really sure why piano was the winner, but it was. When I was a kid I wanted to take karate lessons. My parents did not share my enthusiasm for karate, probably because I was really hard on my prosthetic leg with just normal childhood activities. The hospital I had to go to for all my prosthetic needs was over an hour drive from our house. Anytime I broke a foot or did something else to my leg, which was fairly common, we had to make a trip to Dallas. That meant my parents had to take a day off work and we had to spend usually the better part of a day in a hospital, waiting on repairs. So I can understand my parents not wanting me to partake in any activities, such as karate, that would increase the chance of us having to make said hospital trip. What I did have a hard time understanding was their answer to Karate. We knew a lady that taught piano and accordion, and they suggested I try one of these instead. I like a good polka as good as the next person, but as a kid I just couldn’t see myself playing the accordion. So piano it was. I can’t remember exactly how many lessons I had. I know the only thing I can play on the piano at the moment is Chopsticks. I enjoyed the musical part of it. I did learn to read music during the span of the lessons, which I have since forgotten, and when I was done I could successfully play the last song in the book. I believe it was “When Johnny Comes Marching Home”, but don’t quote me on that.

I still like to bring it up in a humorous context because it is funny. Aside from the humor in it, I think it’s a really good example of how my parents handled the challenges associated with my differences. I am sure alot of people would consider sending a four-fingered child to piano lessons a waste of time and money. When I look back at things like that, I see that as thier way of saying you can do anything you want. I see videos like the one below and I am amazed at what is possible when someone has the desire to accomplish something and positive people in their life to support them. I never really had the desire to play the piano, and I attribute me not playing today more to that than anything else. I did pick up a pair of drum sticks when I was about 15 though, but that is a whole different story.

Me and my brother were sitting around talking the other day about what I was doing with this blog. I will introduce him later on, but for now just know that this is pretty typical conversation for the two of us.

Josh: You remember that episode of friends where Joey..

Me: ..finds his hand twin?

Josh: I can’t believe you knew where I was going with that

Me: yeah, I doubt I am ever going to find my hand twin!

I thought it was pretty funny, probably funnier to you if you had been there. We do have some interesting conversations like that though, and they usually end in hilarious laughter. I think it is really important to have a sense of humor about things. Even Jack Handy said his dad thought laughter was the best medicine. The episode of friends is pretty funny though. Joey finds his hand twin and then tries to figure out how they can gain from it. I doubt I have a hand twin out there anywhere, but if I do and we ever meet…..

I mentioned a few post back that one of the blogs I have been following is doing a series of profiles on people that live with pain. The author of that site was kind enough to add me to his series of profiles. You can go to www.blogofpain.com to check it out.  There is some interesting reading there whether you live with pain or not. If you do live with pain, it’s nice to read about people you can relate to. If you don’t live with constant pain, it’s the kind of site that shows you how lucky you are. Either way you should go take a look at it.

Why was I born with birth defects? That is the obvious question in this whole story, but it is one that I don’t have an answer for. When Mom was pregnant with me her doctor prescribed an antihistamine for morning sickness. This was a common prescription to help with nausea, vomiting, motion sickness and other things that women go through with morning sickness. In the sixties and seventies there were some drugs that made it through the FDA without a lot of testing. There were several such drugs that were eventually taken off the market because they were later found to cause birth defects. When I was born, the doctors didn’t really have an answer for the obvious question. Did the morning sickness pills cause me to be born like this? No one can really say for sure, but $2.19 worth of prescribed medicine is certainly one possibility.

Does knowing the exact cause really matter? I think that is the more important question. For me, the answer to that question is a definitive no! I have never really cared one way or another what actually caused me to be born the way I was. It’s a lot like spilled milk. I was born like this and nothing is going to change that so does it really matter why I was born this way? I personally don’t think so. I have always been of the opinion that you make the most out of your situation in life, and don’t worry about the things you can’t change. I have said many times that I am a firm believer in everything happening for a reason. I know there was reason behind all of this, so knowing there is a reason seems more important than knowing exact details. I don’t think the cause of my birth defects is as important to my story as how I have dealt with them. Living with major differences and all of the ups and downs that come with that seems like a more interesting story than what may or may not have caused said differences. So with all of the above in mind,  we will be focusing more on what I have made of my situation versus what caused it.

I think I have figured out how this is going to work. I spent a little time last night looking through some of my baby stuff with Mom. That is always interesting. Some of my earliest memories are of a hospital room. I think for this part of this little project I should probably start my story at the beginning and work forward. I have a couple of things I need to take pictures of or scan to put on her to start this story off. I will probably try to get that done in the next day or two.

I thought of a couple more funny stories today that I will save for another post. It is funny how much stuff you forget about, and how much stuff comes back to you once you start thinking about things.

I mentioned going down to the casino last Thursday night. Most of the swelling is gone from my ankle, but it is still pretty stiff. I had a pretty long weekend but thankfully it didn’t involve a lot of walking or standing so that gave me a chance to give my foot a rest. Another day or two and I will be back to as good as it gets.

I follow a couple of different blogs and sites. The author of one blog I follow has started a new blog dedicated to living life with chronic pain. Part of his site is a series of profiles/interviews of people that live with pain on a daily basis. I contacted him to tell him I was enjoying the site and that it was nice to read about people that you can relate to. He mentioned that he would like to add me to his series of profiles on his site. I am going to send him some more information and if he post it I will put the link to it on here.

Still workin on ideas for the site. I have alot of stuff I need to get out of my head and onto paper so to speak. I am still deciding if I want to my story from the beginning and work up to now, or if I want to start now and work backwards. However I decide to do it, it’s going to be interesting. I hope you stick around, and let me know what you think. If you have any questions, comments, feedback or anything else please use my “Contact Me“ page to let me know.

Do you ever get that feeling? I got that feeling last week at the casino. I had been playing a few machines and was going to go eat. I stopped by the restroom to wash my hands before I went to eat. I walk in the restroom and am greeted by an elderly man standing near the sink with a white towel drapped neatly over his arm. I walk up to the sink and proceed to wash my hands. On a completely un-related note, how great are motion activated sinks and soap dispencers? Anyway, as I am washing my hands, I get that feeling. I glance over at the gentleman to my right, your left, and notice that he is staring intently at my hands. Now I realize that his job is to stand there and be of service to people after they are done washing up. I am sure he sees many people every day wash their hands, and I almost certian he has seen people that are a little different before. He just had that look on his face like he wasn’t sure if he should offer me a towel or not. I just finished washing my hands and used a paper towel off the counter to dry them off. I politely nodded and left the restroom without the attendent ever saying a word to me. As a general rule, I try not to make anyone feel awkward. There are exceptions of course. Like I said before this gentleman was older and I am sure he has seen many people in his lifetime that a different. I also know that sometimes I tend to catch people off guard and they don’t what to say or they should even say anything. So to avoid making it more awkward on him, I just smiled and left.

I know that when I see people that are different I am a little curious. I think that is human nature. I just don’t think most people know how to react or if its okay to ask questions or not. Most of the time the people that do ask or say something are polite and seem interested. I don’t mind answering questions at all, provided they are asked ina respectful manner. Occasionally someone will say something or ask me what happened and they go about it all wrong. Those are the exceptions to the above rule about not making people feel more awkward. I have a few good stories of such occasions. I will save those for another day though.

Last night I went to the casino and hung out with some friends. The place I used to work has their annual awards event at the casino and I decided to go. I figured I could gamble a little and hang out while they were being bored to death with their fancy event. So I had about two hours to kill. I went and ate at a grill in the casino, and then walked around for about an hour and a half. Once it was over with I hung out with some friends for another hour or so, standing the whole time. Really there isn’t a whole lot of difference between standing in one place or walking, if I am on my feet that long there is going to be pain involved. Usually when I do something like that it takes a couple of days for the swelling in my ankle to go down and for me to be able to walk without any pain. Today was not too bad, I didn’t have to be on my feet to much at work which was nice. I hadn’t seen some of my friends in a while so it was nice to hang out with them. I had a blast, so I am not really going to complain. I really try not to complain at all, in fact a lot of people I know probably have never heard me mention anything about this. I have to wonder if people notice that I try to sit down as much as possible, even when everyone else is standing. If they do, they never really say anything.

I was sitting at the drive through last night waiting to order and a car pulls up beside me and parks. The whole family gets out and the last one out of the car is boy that was maybe six or seven years old. I notice this particular kid because he is using a pair of braces to help him walk. His legs were not exactly straight and he obviously needs these braces to be able to be mobile. I watched this kid for maybe a minute and it made me think about myself when I was a kid. I watch home movies my grandparents have of me when I was little and even with a cast on I was persistent. Before I even learned to walk I would try to pull myself up on things and wouldn’t stop until I had succeeded. I know when I watched that kid last night I probably saw him a little bit differently than most people do. He was the smallest kid in the bunch, the last one out of the car, and he was the first one through both doors at Burger King. I watched him pass two other kids on his way to the door, manage to open two sets of glass doors that he could barely reach the handles on and was inside before the rest of the family even got to the door. I would love to see that kid thirty years from now and see what he is capable of. I am sure most people don’t think that when they see him.  

I had to smile a little bit, because I know that kid is going to be okay. I hate to see anyone having a hard time in life, but you could watch him for thirty seconds and know that he is making the most of his hand. I think that’s pretty awesome!

I have always found it a little fascinating how the internet lets you keep up with the lives of complete strangers. There are a couple of sites that I visit on a regular basis and has always been nice to read about other people who have similar issues in life and how they deal with said issues. As a kid I would go to the hospital and see a lot of kids with similar birth defects. As an adult, I don’t know anyone that is remotely close to being like me. I am sure there are a lot of people out there like me, which is why the internet is so great.  The blog thing is something that I have been thinking about for a while. I have found that writing can be almost therapeutic, which is one reason I am doing this. The other main reason I am doing this is the hope that my story may be some sort of inspiration to someone out there that may be in the same shoes as myself.

This blog is going to be me sharing my day to day life with you. Some of it is going to probably be really personal. Some of it may even consist of things that I have never told anyone.  Every day that I have human interaction is the potential for a story of some sort.

This blog is going to be about the things I have managed to accomplish, however insignificant they may seem to some. I have done things that I am very proud of and on some level feel like may be an inspiration to others like myself.

This blog is going to be about the thoughts and emotions that I go through on a daily basis that no one around me sees. I have gone through nearly every emotion known to man, and most of the time said emotions are cause by the words or actions of complete strangers.

This blog is going to the unabashed story of me, plain and simple!